>You were so eloquent.
((02/06/2011 - 12:19 a.m.))

I really need to fix the archives. I've let them sit and rot so long that I don't even remember how to fix it.

I doubt I can even write anymore. Just a warning.

I probably would have left this site clear alone, but I had this dream two nights ago. It was focused on a friend of mine from years ago, his name was R. Not that it isn't still, Whomever willing.

I truly loved this person. My roommate, J, also loved this person. He (R)was an honorary roommate, used to stay over all the time. We would all drink together, cheap whiskey, cheap beer, cheap snacks.

The talk was never so cheap, though. We talked about authors, we talked about writing and we talked about it a lot. He was a huge encouragement to me without the expectation. Well, he did expect some stuff from me, but he didn't push.

Anyway, I had this dream two nights ago in which I invited him to my mom's party. Weird stuff indeed, because my mom never met him yet she was upset once she realized who he was (this is my confused dreamscape happening; J hates this guy because we were so close, and also because I kissed him once when my and J's relationship was still new.)

He (R) was so charming in my dream though. I was probably dreaming about the other side of the fence. It happens sometimes, but hardly ever so vividly.I have had similar dreams about people who have died and although I don't believe in any of that new-age crap, most of the time it truly feels like a visitation.

this dream really felt that way, so R has been on my mind for days. I do think of him occasionally and hope he is well, but after this dream...well. I worried. I worried all day.

So here is my letter to R, wherever he might be:

Hey! I miss you! I know we say that all the time, but I truly mean it. I mean it.

You were in my dream the other night. And I mean that I probably dreamed it in the morning, but I couldn't remember anything before or after. I woke up saturated with this dream of you. It followed me all day.

I had invited you to this party that my mom was throwing out in the middle of nowhere. She was charmed by you, until my subconscious took hold. My mother soon held the same distaste for you that J does.

This party was happening over several different grounds, like an old house and many scattered pergolas. I was about to take residence in a pergola with built-in cabinets containing all the found shit I store, all of my art supplies, and lots of sketch books that contained pictures by people I knew before. That place was MY PLACE. I just knew it.

I didn't really know what all I had until you proposed to create a love poem out of it. You wanted to know what I wanted out of a love poem, and I said "honesty." This being a dream, of course, you created these 3-dimensional collages that became poems. Objects became words, and it was gorgeous. Dreams are weird; I will never get it.

I miss you. I thought about you all yesterday.

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